THE BILLY PROJECT
The Bella Story
Story Findings
This really correlates with Jen’s story of over accommodation. That’s a whole nother form of parent resistance; this hand holding as a form of denial. Compared to not wanting to help.
There is also this reoccurring shifting of burden. The parents blame themselves, then they blame the teachers who blame the institution and so forth. This archetype is presenting itself as a constant model within the narrative.
Additionally, the stock of parental accommodation seems to be a tricky balance, as parent denial manifests in two forms; under and over accommodation.
Even with the knowledge and education a elementary counselor can have, there remains a mental model where parents are unable to acknowledge the difficulties of their children, and the reality that their good intentions are creating fixes that fail.
This teacher argues that evidence is key in altering these parent's perspectives. Following evidence, gentleness and compassion are imperative for reaching these parents. When a parent's mental models around their children are challenged, there is the potential for creating even more resistance before a new perspective is adopted. This resistance to change that parents experience can only be approached through a combination of physical evidence and compassionate, non-blaming rhetoric.
Laura: I had that when I had Bella. Her mom is a coworker, so when I told her she was falling behind and showed her the grades, she balled at the conference. “This never happened last year. How come this is happening this year?”. It made it seem like it was my fault. She was so unorganized and ADHD, but not the hyper part. She was just unorganized and unfocused. After school her mom would come in and organize her desk for her. She was ultra-accommodating to try to make her succeed. Instead of teaching her how to do it, she would just do it for her. I learned the hard way that you have to be really careful about what you say.
Me: This really correlates with Jen’s story of over accommodation. That’s a whole nother form of parent resistance; this hand holding as a form of denial. Compared to not wanting to help.
Jen: Yeah, Helicopter moms.
Me: How did those conversations go?
Laura: I showed her the report cards, and since there were 2s, she was utterly shocked. Maybe I didn’t communicate with her enough before the conference. I expected her to already see it since she was a certified teacher and counselor at the school. But she was shocked and was blown away by my perspective of where her daughter was.
Jen: I’ve learned the hard way. Now, I keep a lot of papers to present to them. Lots of evidence. Or even a paper from an average child to compare them to. “This is what an average kid does.” If you were listening to me, you might think I have the most wack-a-doodle kids because I do say, “My daughter does the same thing. I have one just like that and I get it”. I think they need to know that it's not their fault. They aren’t doing anything wrong. This is just how their kid is right now. Always say, “they just aren’t doing this yet. By the time they are in high school, they are totally going to be able to do this. Right now this is where they are at and this is how we are going to help them”.